Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Everything I though you never were .



I remember all the things I wrote here .
All the things that made me happy .
That made me think that maybe I've found my one and only
I thought about forever .
I believed again .
I trusted again .
I loved again .
I cared again .
I protect again .
And most of all , I put together my broken heart pieces together again little by little .
I thought of our future .
Kids , Homes , Family .
How only 1 hour even 1 minute not texting or call you would torture me .
How much that I've missed you .
How long I've waited for you here to come and hug me .
How broken was my heart when you didn't come .
I get upset about the silliest things , the smallest thing .
You said that I'm over thinking when you didn't pick up my calls or reply my texts .
What am I suppose to do ? Sit here and wait ?
You having secret relationships with other girls have been on my mind for like a thousand times but you keep assuring me that you don't .
It's like you wouldn't do me wrong .
The most important thing is that you told me you weren't like the others .
But maybe I saw something wrong back then from what I see now .

You cheated on me .
You fucking cheated on me when you assure me that you wouldn't .
You said you wouldn't play with someone's heart cause you're scared that Karma will arrived at you're son's or daughter's life .
Kau bilang dosa besar ba tu .
Pathetic .
Saying one thing and meaning another .
I know everything but I kept calm and ask you .
But your answers just didn't put up .
You lied again and again .

You two get out a lot .
I know I'm not the easy-to-get-out type like her but I've been waiting for that one day where we could meet up , a time when it's not me who plans it .
Besides meeting each other , what did you two do ?
Thinking of possible things you are capable of makes me sick .
I just wanna shout at you to get out , don't touch me ever again .
I cried and cried . I'm stupid right ?
I told you that I became a stupid like girl drunk my love .
I trust you , believe in you every bit .
I cared , I let you get away on anything .
Most importantly , I loved you .
Sometimes I wish that I have amnesia .
So that I could forget all of those stupid moments where you made me feel like a luckiest girl in the world , the only one in your heart , you little wifey , you most spoiled girlfriend .

Why couldn't you just tell me straight in the face that you don't want me anymore .
That you have another special someone .
That you weren't happy being with me .
That you've had enough of me .
That you just can't accept me for what I am now .
That I'm not enough for you .
That I'm not up to your standards .
Why would you do this to me ?
Why would you want to be with me if you don't think I'm worth it ?

The pain is still here .
The hurt is still here .
The hole in my heart is still here .
The cut still feels fresh .
The moments still stuck like glue .

Glad that your so call GIRLFRIEND called me and told me everything .
If not , I don't know until when you're going to play me like a fool .
You disgust me .
In my back , you've been with another girl and here I am thinking that things wouldn't go wrong between us but I guess I was wrong .
This fairytale wasn't made for me I guess .
I wonder how many lies have you told me since the day we've been together .
I also wonder how many girls have you've been together with .
It always brings me to tears again and again .
You know that you really out did yourself this time .

I've dream of you last night .
For the first time , I actually talked in my sleep .
I woke up in the morning , heart broken all over again .
For all the girls around this world , why would you do this to me ?
You said you were trying to test me .
What kind of a fucking test is that dude ?
You guys went out , meet each other for almost a month .
Without me knowing any bit of it .
You said you two are nothing right now .
So if I didn't caught you , you would go on with her in you two's little relationship ?
You gave me no reason to forgive you this time .
But I have to give you all the credit for hurting me like I've never been hurt before .
To gave me back that vulnerable girl inside of me again .
The girl that you were trying to save .
My insecurity came back .
You made me lost my ability to believe anymore .
I never know you , just one guy like you could hurt me like this .
I've been sick all this time because of you .
Lucky me cause I didn't die .

You were ask fake as the other boys I've met .
But you had my heart in your hands .
Don't you remember ?
I told you to take care of my heart cause I'm leaving it in your hands .
You promise me you would take care of it ,
But you crush it into bits .
Like a piece of paper .
Like glass you let it fall and shattered .
I think you did a most great job .
There's no need to make excuses .
You could just tell me in my face .

Mohd.Hamizan Bin Hassan .
You've had a heart of ice .


Saturday, November 1, 2014

The things that people go through ..


 Good morning peoples of the blog .
Today I have some more reality tell and advice giving in this early morning .
Hope this has something to do with you guys out there okay ?
Now here is goes .

Boys don't understand girls .
Am I right ?
It's hard for them to understand us but it's harder for us to understand them .
Cause a boy could hide a million lies without you discovering it .
And if you happen to find something that made you really curious ,
they'll have something to cover it all up .
That's the hardest part in many relationships .

We are girls that love as much as we can .
We became stupid when it comes to falling in love .
We will believe anything you said or what other people are telling us .
And when everything that someone told you are adding up to everything he does ,
you'll break down , have an emotional melt down and can't stop asking why and why and why .

Them boys would cover it up .
I'm sure that they will cause maybe in their heart there is still a little bit of place for you .
They just don't want to hurt you , as they say .
But they don't know what really hurt us .
If they could have just tell the truth .
The truth hurts but lying cuts it deeper .


You would do anything for them .
You didn't ask much to repay just love , care , loyalty and honesty .
But them ?
They treat you like a toy .
Only need you when they want something .
Only care about the themselves , such selfish creatures .
Treat us as slaves and we kept falling for it .
Treat us as punching bags when they get angry .
Blame us for every wrong that they did .
Disappointing moments that they made us go through alone .
But we stuck through it , we say it's okay a million times but inside there's something dying
and don't show a bit in front of them .
They attack on the weaker ones without thinking .

We kept getting hurt .
Broken so much time until you could say that " I'm used to it " .
We try hard to be everything for them .
We tried to be worthy for them .
We tried to be enough for them .
We tried to be perfect for them .
But yet they choose to hurt , to love another , to let us suffer alone .
It's like a knife cuts even deeper every single time .

It's like they made a fairytale for us to live in ,
but like every fairytale there is always a nightmare .
We're the ones that has always been here .
But where are they ?
Cuddling up with someone new ?
Betrayal .

They gave us something to remember .
Happiness that nobody could give you .
Love you like you've never been love .
But they save the best for last .
The one things that really hurt you the most .
Until you lock yourself in a dark and empty room alone to face everything .
You cried your heart out but what did they do ?
They don't care for even one bit .
They made you feel worthless .
They'll drain you up and left you fight for air .

When they say they need time to think things over .
Have you ever wonder are they really thinking things through ?
That thinking hurt so much .
Cause you don't even know what they are doing behind you .
Long distance relationships are the worst when it comes to this .
An affair .

My advise for you girls out there is stay strong .
If you can't take it anymore , just leave them .
Your heart is too precious for them to made fun of .
But if you really think that he's the one and these all are just some test from God .
Then hold on and hope that one day they would change .
Love you like you love them .
But if they let you go , just be glad that you be taught a lesson and be glad that it happen .

I've been through this many times .
It's like I've been there done that .
But girls , don't even think of revenge cause that would only make things worst for you .
Just be grateful that it had happen .

I'm going through this all the time so just take my advice okay ?
But if you don't want to , I could understand .
Cry , it's okay to cry .
But make sure you smile again okay ?
Lots of love people .
Peace out !

Friday, October 17, 2014

You've said ..


I got the text from you this morning at 4.14 am .
I didn't read it .
Cause I woke up late today and had to get ready for school .
At school , I read it . 
Luckily I could hold back my tears at school 
and a good actor . 

I kept thinking and kept waiting for your text . 
I never stop hoping for that one text of yours and you say that 
you couldn't leave me cause you love me too much . 
I kept hoping for everything to be a dream . 
But it wasn't . 

I arrived home and crash .
The tears kept falling .
I kept remembering the moments we had . 
the dates we've gone on . 
the anniversary that we've celebrate together .
the texts and calls that we always did . 
I just can't \believe that we'll lose all of this . 

The bracelet that you've gave me 
I'm still wearing it . 
and it brings back memories that I can't bear to remember 
cause I'll cry even worst than I am crying right now . 

I still remember the day that we first met . 
It was unexpected . 
We became friends 
then you confessed to me that you wanted to be more than that .
You were the sweetest guy purposing to have a relationship with me .
You were texting me all in english and I was impress . 
It was 14 Dec 2012 almost midnight when you purpose to me . 
And without doubting I said yes . 
We've been together ever since . 
There were some ups and downs 
But we'll get through it always . 

You were there for me and I was there for you . 
Always having each other's backs . 
Our arguments are cute and funny if I replay it in my mind . 
It scares me to death not having that moments again . 

We've been together for 1 year 10 months and 3 days . 
You said that we would be together forever . 
You said you were going to marry me .
You said we would grow old together . 
Have kids and a house of our own . 
You said that you wouldn't leave but you did anyway . 

I'm not giving up . 
I don't care if you like it or not but I'll be texting and calling you everytime . 
Until you respond . 
I'm not going to let you go that easy Miezan . 
Cause you will always be mine . 
And only mine . 
Call me crazy or anything I don't care 
All i care is the one that I love the most . 
Mohd. Hamizan Bin Hassan . 
 I'll wait , no matter how it hurts . 

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Lost and Insecure


Have you ever felt like this ?
Broken 
Insecure 
Lost 
Depressed 
Unwanted 
Not good enough 
Not worth it 
Played 
Lied to 
and much more 

Falling in love is easy . 
But the consequences you'll pay until you can't bear any more .

Yeah , I know at first they'll say everything to have your heart .
They'll cared 
They'll love 
They'll promise 
They'll make you believe 
They'll make you feel like you meant the whole world to them 
And so much more . Much more , believe me , I've heard it all . 

That would only last for about 4 months or more or less .
They'll stop doing all of those things 
And you asked them , why ? 
They'll just made up every reason that they could find 
so that you will forgive them . 
And us girl eventually will forgive . 
Oh believe me , we will . I could tell you that . 
Cause we loved them , we truly do , don't we ? 
I'm right , right ? 

That was at first . 
When time goes by .
Problems will come one by one and finally you can't forgive any more .
You end up remembering 
Crying 
Cussing 
And such 
You said you will never give a fuck about it any more , 
but in the end , you eventually give a fuck all over again .

They'll crush you until you feel like you wanna stop 
but you can't 
You want to let go but you can't 

Let me tell you peoples , 
this is the situation that I'm facing right now . 
1 year and 10 months . 
Today was our monthsary , 10th monthsary but 
it became a monthsary that I wish I never had . 

So I say goodnight to all of you 
Have a great day tomorrow and 
keep your head held high .