Thursday, April 7, 2016

The new year yet not so new me.


It's been a long time since I last wrote something at my blog. 
Anyway , I'm back and running like normal right now. 

I passed my STPM .
I got a job. 
Still in love with the boy on my pictures. 
Getting more mature I guess. 
But I still act like a child around my baby.
Nothing much has change thou.
Only that there are more responsibility put upon my shoulder.
Like it isn't heavy enough already. 

Well it 2016 already.
A new year with new challenges. 
Ups , Downs , Sideways , any kind of ways.
As always , you gain some , you lose some. 
You can't always in , and you will not always lose. 
My family is getting quite good I suppose. 
We are fine as always.
As usually a family will look like.
Some stress may come up eventually but like me . being a good daughter as always. 
I choose to not argue with anyone. 
Just keeping it all inside like always. 
Just trying to be humble , no matter if I'm step on. 
At least it's my own family.

School ?
Yet I miss that shit. 
Even though it gave me a really pain in the ass but I made it eventually and gratefully alive still.
Miss my classmates and teachers.
The uniform I used to wear before the rules change into where we are allow to wear our own clothes.
But it must be approved by our own class teacher.
Miss my best friends.
Eba , Umie , Iyla.
All the great times we share.
All of the silly things we did.
Skipping class , breaking a bit of the rules , talk about everything.
LITERALLY EVERYTHING.
Oh how I miss those girls. 
They are my happy pills whether I'm all tied up in something or just plain moody. 
I manage to laugh like a crazy old woman. 
We share every highs and lows together. 
SERIOUS TALK , NO KIDDING.
We literally share some similarity in each other's life. 
We feel for each other. 
We are still in contact with each other even though we are all busy with our lifes.
We will always be the fantastic four. 
I miss them so much. 

I cut my hair again. 
Turns out I look good in short I might have to say so myself.
The other reason is I'm so lazy to wake up every morning just to make my hair took tidy for work.
Everytime , you need to put you hair into a bun.
I even pity my hair because they have little time to breath.
Other than that , I look like a giant fluff ball. 
Results when you eat too much and the only exercise you have if walking to the fridge and open it. 
I'm not saying I'm lazy to get back into shape , I'm just .. 
I just don't have time and I'm lazy. 
Lack of motivations right now. 
Hope that i gain my motivation back to exercise because I am getting too fat. 
Not to disrespect all the different size of woman , it's just my needs. 
It's okay to be comfortable in your own skin , it's just the health that matters the most.
So pray for me guys!
What else ? 
My relationship has it's ups and downs but we're holding on. 
Meeting his family was wonderful. 
I could feel like maybe there's a chance for us in the future but we couldn't decide how out future looks , we can only plan it with an open heart. 
Open to accept any challenges and any thing. 
Almost 11 months together with him. 
Hope our relationship will last.

Nothing else I need to share I think. 
Until next time. 

Sunday, September 20, 2015

People lie really good, yet they lie too much.


People in this world have an ability to lie to anyone and everyone.
Lies can be good and yet it could be deadly heartbreaking.
Lies can hide the things that may hurt your partner or family.
But lies could also hide the things that you want to hide. 
Example like scandal , doing negative things and much more.
Yet everything sums into a simple result, lies are lies no matter what it is, it is always lies.

Lies have been apart of my life for a while now.
Guys said " 我已經等了你快兩年 "
or even " 一見鍾情 "
If they really have waited for you for almost 2 or 3 years , then where are they now ?
When you give them the key to come into your life , where did they go ?
When you let your guard down for them , what did they do ?
When you go on a date with him , how much did you spend ?

You don't have the time to think about that 'cause you're strike by love .
You're drunk by love.
You can call it anything you want.
But I personally understand the feeling.

For the first 2 or 4 months together , they will treat you like a queen , like their one and only.
For those who are pros could treat you well for almost 1 in a half years.
It's enough to break you to pieces , lost self-confidences and so much more.
They don't know what's wrong and what's right but yet they don't think.
God give them brains , a healthy one as for sure but they don't even use it.
Not even an inch of it.
They only use it when you are about to go , leave them.
So they start saying things that will make your heart of ice melt again for them,
Then you'll go and get play again and the worst part is , you don't even notice it,

When you two get into a fight , and you just don't want to fight anymore so you stop.
Stop finding him , calling him , chat , message and what-so-ever.
But I know deep inside you are waiting for him to find you.
Maybe call you and just a simple " I'm Sorry " texts.
It won't hurt if he tries right ?
But not everything you think is going to be like what you expected right ?
At the end he didn't even gave you any respond.
But when you ask him , he'll give a million reasons why he didn't put any effort.
1. NO TIME
2. GIVE YOU SPACE
3. DON'T WANT TO HURT YOU MORE
4. NOT PERFECT ENOUGH FOR YOU AND ASKED YOU TO LEAVE HIM.
He'll say so much things but the things he said the most is , leave him.
Because he knows you don't want to.
So that made you calm down , made you want him , made you said all those things that he wanted to hear so that he thinks that it's okay to do anything wrong 'cause you'll forgive him in the end. SHIT!
These are all their works. THESE ARE ALL BULLSHIT!

I know all of you out there feel the same way as I ever did.
They wear mask as if they never took it off.
The expression , the feeling , the moment and much more.
It does feels right , it does feel like he's the one.
Your one and true love.
You think about your future together , have kids , a comfy house.
It was a dream come true to you , isn't it ?
But you never saw it coming.
You never knew that it would all come falling down.
You're caught off guard.
That's where you break down.
Where you kept on asking yourself the same question.
" Why me ? " " Am I not good enough ? "
You get stress easily and even get sick easily.
'Cause you'll not eat and what-so-ever.
Killing yourself , insecure.
I've been there peoples and mine hurts even more.
But look at me ? I'm still here , living the way I'm used to.

I know how cruel people could be.
But my advice is to keep on going.
Yeah I know you have to cry. You got to cry just to let out the pain you feel inside.
But never , I beg you all , never think of yourself as NOT ENOUGH.
Remember , if you're not enough than God isn't either.
I've been through this.
I let go eventually , and move on finally.
I remember that I told myself that I wouldn't love again but look ?
I have a loving boyfriend and he is willing to fight for me.
Met his family and his grandma.
Hoping that this last long.
And one more thing peoples , don't give them any other chance.
'Cause the chances you have already gave is enough.
Don't let them in for another chance to hurt your healing heart.
My advice. Read about it. Think about it.

That's all thankyouuu peoples..



Saturday, July 11, 2015

2 months and counting ..


Time spending with one of my love is just a good feeling inside.
Glad God sees the pain I've been through all this time.
Because my previous and previous relationship wasn't so good actually. 
It was good at first but it kinda slowly fades away.
Things seem to get a little bit complicated and leads to breaking up.
Results to me having a mental break down and wanting to die 
then bla bla bla bla....

I have admit it that my past wasn't the brightest
but I'm ready to make a change
I told Mom about my previous relationship
she didn't seem too happy about it
she doesn't accept me being with my previous ex.
I've never been glad to have a mom like her 'cause what she told me was useful
Thankyou mom for being the one who will always guide me

I was going to let mom know about my relationship now
'cause I'm scare that maybe she thinks that I'm still with that guy.
ewww please , I don;t want anything to do with him anymore.
Let him go to hell with his actions and more.

The way he treats me,
looks at me,
touch me,
and much more is one of a kind.
Hope this will last until the last breath I take.
I still remember what he said about
" nanti lau kita kahwin bh , kita masih ka gini ? I mean peluk2 time tidur and cium2 gitu ? sebab lau kahwin sda 20 tahun bersama suda kan , semua yang tidur jauh2 macam mamy and dady sa. Kita gitu juga ka nanti ? "
That's what he said.
See how cute ?
I just don't know how to answer him but I did answer after all.

Pleasee be the one who would actually stay.
I don't need you to watch over your actions 'cause nobody is perfect.
Just be the one who stays with me
through ups and down.

Clinton Lindam.

This photo show the different time that we spend together.
The first picture was the first time we got on a date and also where you asked me to be your ....
You know what I mean.
I need to save pictures like these 'cause pictures like these save a thousand moments.



Saturday, June 13, 2015

Just a little talk.

The holidays are almost over.
It's such a bitter sweet kind of thing you know ? 
On the other hand , it's like holidays are boring 
but on the other hand then , you are lazy enough for school to start.
But I think this holiday it kinda boring and I didn't did anything productive 
Just 2 weeks waste. 
I just don't know.
Sad enough to leave my hometown but missing enough to meet my friends and my man.

So when the school days start , I still have 1 more week to spend time with my man.
Because he's continuing his studies too. 
So time spending with him will be more less everyday. 
But it's okay as long our hearts are close together then I'll be alright.
Trust and honesty is all we need.
I even promised to make my grandma's all time favorite " Bubu Caca "
before he goes .

I've met his family , I mean all of his family members. 
His dad is a kind guy. 
His mom is just wow, sporting and very open minded.
His brother and sister are cute. 
they seem to be very good peoples.
 Hoping this time , it will last longer than I expected it to be.
God , please let him be the one. 
Cause he is an ideal boyfriend and husband for me. 
Hope the relationship will last long.